Bereavement and Big Questions of Life

Bereavement and Big Questions of Life

For over 10 years I have led workshops for bereaved people – of any faith or none – where they can ask spiritual questions of me, a Christian minister. Each time the sessions have followed genuine care and support for the practical and emotional needs of those people, after which there has been interest in exploring the big questions that are raised by their loss.

Every time the same few questions are asked – whatever the person’s faith background – about God, and the afterlife: what it’s like and who’s there. Is there a God/any kind of higher power? If so, why didn’t God intervene or heal? Where is the person now? Will I see them again/can I be in touch? Despite these questions being fundamental to the Christian faith, often we don’t talk about them, or the answers we give are unsatisfactory for those who have been bereaved.  

Platitudes fly off our tongues: ‘God is in control’, ‘our lives are in God’s perfect plan’, or ‘pray in faith and the person will be healed’, all generally leading, when someone dies, to God taking the blame. God, it is concluded, is not loving or doesn’t exist.

We seem to have allowed our theology to be influenced by today’s ‘quick fix’, ‘me centered’ culture, where God is portrayed as existing to resolve our problems and difficulties are not meant to be.

The Bible depicts God as ‘love’ – the Creator of a world where people were intended to live forever. But the world was corrupted by sin, which causes sickness, sorrow, pain and death. Also, that God is on a mission to save; He sent Jesus to conquer sin, which Jesus did. But his work is not yet complete; we wait for the day when the world will be free again of sickness, sorrow and pain. In the meantime, we live in a period of ‘overlap’, when these things are to be expected.

‘In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.’ (John 16:33)

‘If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.’ (Matthew 16:24)

There are currently over 9 million people in the UK bereaved during the pandemic. If we can present God as understanding our suffering, weeping and coming alongside, and as being in ultimate control (promising to rid the world of all the consequences of sin), rather than behind all that happens, we would find many more people outside our churches open to trusting God – and believers not turning away.

AUTHOR Revd Canon Yvonne Richmond Tulloch is author of ‘Faith Questions in Bereavement’, leader of HTB’s The Bereavement Journey course and Founder and CEO of AtaLoss.org. AtaLoss.org provides the UK’s bereavement signposting website and through the Loss and HOPE coalition, is equipping churches in bereavement support.